This is my favorite dress. No one likes it but me. And to me, it’s perfection. To me, it’s a celebration of color, of femininity (notice the curves and cut) and of high design. It makes me feel beautiful and self-expressed, and inspires me creatively to break boundaries, think outside the box.
Why do some people look good in everything?
Does what we wear really matter?
Have you ever told yourself you can’t wear something? Have you ever heard a little voice in the back of your mind whispering “oh I can’t wear harem pants,” or “I never wear anything sexy, it doesn’t look good on me”? If your answer is yes, the problem isn’t the trend, it’s your perception.
The truth is, every desire to possess a certain trait: “I wish I was beautiful, sexy, smart, funny”; is actually the universe calling that trait out into existence. The want, the desire is the universe beckoning you to UNLEASH that power from within.
In other words: the trait already exists within you, stifled by fear; fear of not being liked, not being accepted, being rejected or ridiculed, etc. Even if done subconsciously, it is a supreme injustice to allow our fear to compromise our happiness. And what’s so special about being liked anyway? Take into consideration the definitions of the word ‘like’ from a simple google search:
- preposition: having the same characteristics or qualities as; similar to.
Read: not original
- conjunction: in the same way that; as.
Read: not original
- noun: used with reference to a person or thing of the same kind as another.
Read: not original
- adverb: used in speech as a meaningless filler or to signify the speaker’s uncertainty about an expression just used.
Read: someone who’s not sure about themselves or their intent
The formula is this: without the courage to draw confidence from our own approval (IE when we are uncertain of our individuality), we rely on the approval of others. What does this amount to? Filler trends to cover our uncertainty, that stifle our individuality; an equation that is rigged to limit our capabilities.
The cause of confidence
So what gives a person the confidence to wear whatever the hell they want?
Quite simply: the belief that they are worth being themselves, and sharing their vision with the world. The vision to look and feel original, to look and feel individual, one-of-a-kind.
What makes it look good?
When the individual is genuine, genuinely proud of the decisions they’ve made in the closet and beyond, and what they are bringing into the world. Believing in yourself is a power others can sense. It’s what makes a person contagious. It’s what makes the most outrageous outfits look totally and completely appropriate. There is nothing sexier, nothing more stylish, nothing more admirable nor empowering nor inspiring than being genuine. Ingenuity shines a light into this dark, scary world or sameness. But sameness, likeness, never pushed our culture forward. It never broke down walls or created new movements of art and ideology. Likeness never changed the world.
The answer lies in seeking the approval of yourself first. Self-approval frees you from the burden of needing approval from others. Any criticism that comes won’t matter (thus my love of this dress). Fully believing in what you are bringing to the world in action, intent, energy and physical presence trumps any worry about whether other people like it. Trust me, you’ll be too busy manifesting your truth in the world to worry about anyone else’s doubt.
The uniform for the job
For too long have we seen what we wear and the world of fashion at large as a nonsensical industry of consumerism and without worth. But every action from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to sleep is a chance to share ourselves and experience the world, and that includes what we wear to do it in. From the sacred robes and rituals of Native American tribes to the uniforms of superheros to the wigs of court justices, throughout all time since the moment we decided to cover our bodies, inspiration and proof is all around us that what we wear matters.
Just like the right home environment must be conducive to one’s personal development, which we will talk about later in the week in On Passion and Purpose, the uniform you choose must allow you to do your best work. It must be conducive to the kind of end product you are after. The handyman needs his tool belt, the painter needs his apron, the welder needs his mask, and the writer needs the comfort to sit for hours on end. Take this as an example: Albert Einstein, infamous for his disheveled appearance, is said to have rarely worn socks. In his mind, they were an annoyance, one that kept him from feeling comfortable. Though the rumors that he had an entire closet of identical suits so as to not waste ‘brain power’ on deciding what to wear may not be true, we still have proof he knew what worked for him. Exhibit B: that hair. Comfort allowed him to be himself and to concentrate.
What wardrobe allows you to do your best work in every moment? Beyond simple function, what form allows you to feel like your best self? Does that mean something that hugs your curves and reminds you what a powerful, sensual woman you are? Is that something muted and chic that allows you to feel your ideas and words speak louder than your clothes? Is it something structured that requires you keep your poise and professionalism at the forefront in this male-driven corporate world?
Here’s the bottom line:
- That you have the innate right to look and feel like yourself, regardless of the opinions of others.
- That you have the divine power and potential to be at peace, to be self-expressed, to be fulfilled in your heart, mind and soul in all that you do
- That you have the sole responsibility to bring your individual message of truth to the world in everything you wear, say, do, create and share. And that in not doing so, you deprive the world of the essential elements that only you can offer.
- That you have every right to be everything you’ve ever dreamed for yourself
- That what you like and what you want have supreme worth. That your individual, unique opinion of what looks good and feels good is as worthy as everyone else’s opinion, and then some. That you know what’s best for you, only you know, and only you can offer it.
Dress photography by PLK. Edited (somewhat poorly) by Rachael After